What My Goals Are Really For

Why it attracts me

Engineers learn to ask what a requirement is really for before designing to it. A customer asks for a faster machine when what they need is fewer late orders, and those can call for different fixes. I think personal goals deserve the same treatment. "Earn more" and "a bigger home" are specifications. The real requirement sits underneath.

The idea

A simple method is to keep asking "and what would that give me?" until the answer stops changing. It is the personal version of Finding the Real Question, the question beneath the question. Feelings help too: a flash of envy or relief can show what a goal is really about (What My Emotions Are Telling Me).

What I think (and don't know)

When I do this, the values I find underneath include family, freedom, belonging and safety. That suggests some goals stand in for something else. I don't think that makes them wrong. A house can genuinely protect family life (Home, Freedom and Knowing What Is Enough). The risk comes when the stand-in becomes a scoreboard and the goal starts serving comparison instead of the value. Who I Am Beyond What I Achieve follows that thread into self-worth.

An example

Imagine someone saving hard for a bigger home. If the real need is more time together as a family, a shorter commute or protected evenings might meet it sooner. If the need is space and stability, the house may be exactly right. Same goal, two different answers.

Questions I'm still exploring

• Which of my goals would I still want if no one else could see them?
• Are there more direct ways to meet the needs my biggest goals serve?
• How do I tell a deep value from a habit of wanting more?

Sources and further reading

• Kasser & Ryan (1996), "Further examining the American dream: Differential correlates of intrinsic and extrinsic goals", Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 22(3) — Links goals like closeness and growth, more than wealth or fame, to well-being.
• Ryan & Deci (2000), "Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being", American Psychologist 55(1) — A widely cited overview of motivation that comes from within versus from outside rewards.